Turning My Fear of Flying Into Wanderlust

The first time I flew was way back in 2003. Almost 2 years post 9/11, where this catastrophic event had changed everybody: the frequent flyers, the excited but equally nervous nellies, and even the people who would have never stepped foot on a plane anyway.  Looking up at the sky and not seeing or hearing any planes for days after the event was strange and sad. You could feel the whole world mourning in the silence, desperately trying to figure out what to do next. 

I was one of those excited but nervous people. Sweaty palmed, sure the plane was just going to fall out of the sky. I was equally as awestruck thinking something as large as a plane could transport people an incredible distance to wherever their hearts desired. I was torn. I wanted to feel the adventure of travel this way but I was so scared.

Back to the sweaty palms. I was learning the ropes, preparing for my first flight from Philadelphia, through Chicago, to Washington State. I was so nervous. I was nervous enough that the Security Officers must have noticed. I believe it may have been due to the heightened security restrictions put in place at the time, that there were more Security Officers around. They randomly pulled people from the boarding line for extra examination. Of course, it was me. Did I look suspicious? Could they see how anxious I was? So much for thinking I hid it well. Kyle and I had only been dating for about a year so I didn’t want him to think I was crazy! (Ha!) I only had a carry-on backpack so it went fairly quick.

I had traveled a few more times via air over the few years following. I only realized I had a full-blown fear after I got a job which required plane travel a few times a year. It was an amazing job with awesome perks! I traveled with coworkers to Marathons across the country. I did not fly enough to get comfortable with it. So each time I flew, I felt like I couldn’t see past the event. I  was so stressed about it that I couldn’t immerse myself in the new places that I was visiting like Boston and Nashville. Once I got there, I only focused on being worried about the flight home. It was exhausting and even a bit embarrassing.

Enter Kyle’s new job. In 2011, he began a job as a Field Service Engineer in the Philadelphia area. He did mostly car travel but now and then training or a long-distance customer would pop up. His initial training was for 5 weeks in Nevada. At the time, we lived in Virginia so it was more or less the whole way across the country. Love won that round! I got onto a plane by myself, 20 weeks pregnant and silently freaked out the whole time.

Once our first son, Asher was born later that year, more travel started to pop up for Kyle. This time, it was training…in Rotterdam, Netherlands! Fantastic. Another 3 weeks of travel for him and I was stuck at home with a 9-month-old? No way. I had to go! We had to go! Asher and I got on a red-eye to Amsterdam. Once we landed, I was feeling pretty confident. Being alone in a foreign country with a 9-month-old was a bit scary to think about but I had this under control. Everyone was nice and helpful. Our next hurdle was getting on a high-speed train to Rotterdam. Magically, I got on the right train, going in the right direction and seamlessly arrived in Rotterdam at the train station. While you have to be super vigilant about everything traveling solo, possibly more so with a small child, you also have to give in to accepting help here and there. Were there a few tears shed? Yea. Thankfully, after an incredible week of immersing ourselves in the beauty of the Netherlands, our whole family was able to get on the same flights home. Of course 5 hours into the last leg of our flight from Ireland, about 1 hour left to Philly, they come over the loudspeaker…going on about some potential severe turbulence. Inconveniently, I had run out of formula for Asher back in Rotterdam. I had to buy a European version of Nestle, which worked out just fine until around the same time the pilots were mentioning the impending turbulence. Asher threw up everywhere…all over both of us. That kept my brain busy while we had quite possibly the smoothest flight into Philly ever. Silly how that works out, but I am sure to say “thank you” to the pilots and flight attendants of every single flight I have ever been on.